ⓜ ⓐ ⓡ ⓛ . ⓔ

Chindon Malay.
31st March.
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A simple question of like 'are you okay?' puts a smile on my face. Thankyou Zwi for asking. You were curious and worried seeing me shedding tears few days back. Even tho I dont feel like you have to know about what's going on, I can see your sincerity and concern for me. But once again, thankyou buddy! (:


Its been spreading around like mad. Mostly to classmates. I've even been accused of flirting. By certain friends behind my back. Some were sadly found to be close friends of mine. If some other random people who made this remark about me, I dont really see why would I be bothered so much about it. But why should it come from close friends? I never expected this. I should've seen all of this coming. Only, I didnt. I know people talk. People talk about whats going on everyday. People talk about the juiciest gossips. But I never knew that people talk about their friends behind their back and act all nice and friendly in front of each other. I never knew that kind of treatment ever exist. Until two days ago. I never knew that classmates were much more important than a friend you've known longer. You didnt even bother to ask me if I was okay. Dont even bother to listen to my side of story. I never expected this from you. Never did, swear. We've been more than 6 years of being close friends. And some even since Sec 1. What wrong did I ever commited for me to deserve all this treatment? I know I deserve something in return. But isnt this too much now? Isnt it?

Whats this about me being flirting? Answer me this and answer it well. Since when is letting someone accompany you to town when you were alone being flirting? Since when, may I know? 'Cause I have no idea that flirting has its new definition. Wait. Why do I even bother typing all this? My intention to blog today is to let the world who is now against me know that Im tired of this. I've been enduring too much. I've been wasting and shedding too much unworthy tears. I know I've been telling myself to be strong. Be strong in this. Im on my own self now. Its me and the world. Even tho I know that I have few supporters. Supporters who'll stand by me. Who will be here for me, no matter how hard I fall. I still have to accept the fact that everyone's against me now. And I dont have the right to get the innocent ones involve, despite them wanting so much to be there for me. I still have to be brave and overcome this myself.

Thats it now. Im on my own. On my own feet now. I wont depend on anyone. Not that I've been depending on anyone else. But I'll be brave. I'll be strong. No doubt that I'll shed even more tears in time to come. I cant prevent my tears from rolling down my cheeks now can I? I'll let the tears flow and bring my sorrows along with them. And no doubt, that I wont feel better after that. I somehow feel worst. But at least I know, that those tears were part of everything that has been happening this month. Im not looking forward to going to school anymore. At the same time, I am. I know I somehow dont make sense here but yes, I have my reasons. I hate having my classmates witness me cry everyday. And again, no doubt that I'll cry again tomorrow, the day after tomorrow, and the day after. And this goes on. Until everything is settled.

Again, Im not conveying what I wanted to convey. So my intention to blog here, again, is to let busybodies know that I dont care anymore. I dont want to think about this anylonger. I wouldnt want to. Its not worth my O level grades. Really, its not. More and more people are against me now? Having new impression of me? Nevermind. Let them accuse me of being flirtish. Let them say whatever they want to say about me. I know its not true. It all started from a true story. Slowly, the true story was being exaggerated. And in the end, the whole story becomes a whole new story. Thats okay. As long as they're happy with whatever ending they've came up with. Im really tired of entertaining childish treatment. Yes, childish. Get that right, okay? This is all plain childish. Childish 'cause talking behind a person's back doesnt help. What more putting a front?

But whatever the outcome is, they're still my friends. They were once there for me when I was so lost. Without them, I wouldnt be where Im standing today. No matter what they do now, hurtful or not, I'll pretend as if this is all just fairy-tale for me. I'll let them be. I'll just be extra careful now that rumours got around saying that Im flirting with someone. Many not me. Maybe its just guys out there who should be extra careful of me. If you guys havent heard the latest rumours yet, Im being a flirt here. O.o CHILDISH.
PS: Not refering to anyone particularly. Siapa makan cili, dialah rasa pedasnya. =D



Thankyou, Hanim. Your listening ears and words of wise is all I need from you. Thankyou for listening, bff. Afiqah, Huda, Nazurah and Radiah, thankyou for being there when I wanted to cry. For letting me cry. For allowing me to unleash the tears I've been holding back. For listening as well. And Nadhirr too, thankyou for asking if I was okay. I'd be grateful enough to those who just bother to ask something simple as that. Thankyou, loving ones. Its because of your support that Im still trying hard to be strong till today. Seriously, Im feeling very very grateful. Thankyou again. Infinite thankyou. Not forgetting Zwi, Amira, Din. Thanking one more kind soul, for asking if I was okay =)

♥♥♥♥ » SOFIE » Ann » Deena » Hanim » Shiqqin » Weena

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