BONJOUR.
ⓜ ⓐ ⓡ ⓛ . ⓔ
Chindon Malay.
31st March.
Facebook / Hotmail / Birthday
Tuesday, September 30, 2008.
Let me first begin with sharing how relief I am feeling right now. No seriously, Im very very relief despite having somethings still hanging around, left unspoken. Firstly, I am somehow grateful that I have the support from friends now. I finally have my friends back. Its been a hard period this month for me without them by my side. I know I have no rights to complain about this. But only god knows how relief I am to have them back by my side. Allah have finally answered my prayers. I couldnt believe I could have them back today. Right now. I thought I've lost them along the way of this misunderstanding. I really really thought I was totally ignored by now. I thought I've lost it all. Never thought I could redeem whatever I've lost along way on the journey of this year's Ramadhan. Patience was all it takes. After so long of crying out my sorrows, can I finally cry out of relief, joy and gratefulness? ^_^
But no matter how well I am with the gerls already, the ones who were there for me when I was at my wits end are definitely not forgotten. You cant imagine how appreciation I felt to those caring people. Classmates, random friends online, and certainly, the baristas too. Thankyou everyone, for being such nice people to at least listen to me whine every now and then. Thankyou a million, lovely ones (:
Right after breakfast, I sat down with mom in the kitchen looking at her peeling off prawn's skin. I did not do anything but to just look at her peel those prawns. She didnt allow me to be of any help but just to accompany her in the kitchen was enough. I have the urge to talk to mom. Share something with her since we had the time and attention for each other last night. So I did. Out of randomness. I started with letting her know that this year's fasting month, there's quite a number of challenges for me. COBAAN. Mom asked what kind of challenges. I said school, but most pressure on friends. And I told her from A to Z. I dont know, I might left out part Q or even Y. But I somehow felt better after talking to mom. It was my first 'mother-daughter' heart-to-heart talk about my personal life. Yes, my very first time.
And Im proud of myself for being able to open up the topic to her without hesitating or feeling awkward. 'Cause I knew, that no matter what I went through, no matter how hard the journey to life is, mothers are always the one nearest and closest to your heart, just right after Allah. My voice were shaky while talking to mom. It was sooo obvious. I almost had to stop to avoid crying. But no, I manage to be strong and stay strong throughout the whole conversation with mom without shedding a single drop of tear. *smiles* I know mom somehow sense that I was about to cry since my shaky voice were obviously shaky-shivering. Mom kept quiet and let me do the talk and just, 'uhmm', 'uhhh', 'really?'.. Hahahaa. =D
At last, I feel the sense of stronger-ness in me. Its weird how littlest things change overnight. From being weak at the beginning of the fasting month, to being strong at the end of it. It really puts a smile on my face for being able to pull through this alone. I know I wasnt alone. There were few supporters who supports me from beneath to avoid me from collapsing. No matter how hard I fall, they're always there to help me stand back on my own feet. Thankyou, earthlings *wink*
Its the dawn on the last day of Ramadhan now. *Loooooong silence. Deep in thought.. Sighs* A lot happened this Ramadhan. And I believe all of this happens for a reason. God wanted to test my patience. So be it. I accepted it as a challenge. And I definitely learnt a lot this year. A lot I must say. I've endured a lot too. I wont complain or grouch that all of this happened. In fact, Im glad. Im grateful enough that all of this took place. I'll be very very thankful. Really. Not that I enjoyed the times and hurt I've suffered. But without this happening, would I grow stronger today? Would I know that I could be strong in such situation? Would I ever thought of having things easy always? And not experiencing hardship? Will I be able to overcome the same problem or conflict in future, which of course Im not looking forward to seeing it happening again? *Deep in thought again. Longer this time..*
I guess its time now. Its time for me to leave the not-important and not-urgent matter aside for now. Im left with 20 days to my very first written paper. And 16 days to practical? Damn. This is a major problem. But before I take my leave..
Today is the last day of Ramadhan. And tomorrow goina be the first for Syawal. To every UMAT ISLAM.. (I know this is early but wth.. Hahaha!)
SELAMAT MENYAMBUT HARI RAYA AIDILFITRI
MAAF ZAHIR DAN BATIN.
Hope that my sins were forgiven. All hurt and harm that I've caused, with or without realising, with words and/or actions, please do pardon me. I seek your apologies. I know I have done so many wrongs and mistakes. And its not good to only realise it and apologising during raya only. But also at other times. I seriously want to take this opportunity to repent my wrong doings and mistakes to whomever. I really hope that alls forgiven and soon to forget.
Sunday, September 28, 2008.
*28th Sept*
Mom had been wondering how I managed to get up so early for meal at dawn without having her to wake me up. Yes, I walked out of the room without mom waking me up. So I showed mom the wake up call that I've been getting. Okayy wait maybe not wake up call. More like wake up message perhaps? And of course, before showing, I covered the sender's name. Dont want mom to start reciting the name like nobody's business. Hahaha. Thats mom. Teasing me is one of her pastime. Okayy so soon after she finished reading the message, she burst out laughing. Luckily mom did not end up rolling on the floor. Got the cheek to tease me some more, eh Ma? So mom was like all, "ohh so thats why you wake up so early laa?" hahahaa!But mom somehow knows me best. She said, she knew Im not ready for any relationship and Im currently not interested in one. I smiled when she gave me that remark. Im really really glad my own mother noticed something as littlest as this. She even said, "even tho you have a wide circle of male friends and none of those are special." Hahahaa! Moms. I smiled again tho. The way she talks. So confident. I like. ^_^ My response was, "Yes, Im glad you know." 'Cause frankly speaking, Im glad. Real glad.But guess what? After having my dawn meal, I went into my room and as usual, I read my storybook while waiting for the time to strike for dawn prayers. Mom walked pass my room.. And stucked her head at the opened door. "Someone wake you up again, this morning?".. Grinning while asking me that. CHEEKY. Hahaha! I smiled. Yes, I smile a lot at mom's words this morning. Hehh. I told Sofie about this. She fine it hilarious too. Mom even said that its Sofie's fault now that I have followed her steps for having a guy now. O.oOkayy wait I think right now, mom have no idea if Im single or attached. And its entirely my fault 'cause I kept twirsting my words. This afternoon she asked if Im breakfasting at home. I answered her randomly. "Nahh, boyfriend's picking me up later. We're breakfasting together." And her reaction was, "Really? K good, I want to see him." Hahahaha! God! It was hilaaaaarious laaa! And just a while ago, she asked again, "What you want to breakfast, Nana?" and me being evil disturbing her again with the reply, "Uhh? Im breakfasting outside with boyfriend laaa! Haiyaaa.." and and guess what? Mom believed! Hahaha! "Waaaaaaah really? At where?" *LOL!* I couldnt stop laughing at this one. I quickly denied of course, that Im not breakfasting outside. And I dont even own a boyfriend, pleeeeeease laaa Maa. Hahaa. But this time she dont know if she wanted to believe me or not, 'cause she said, "like real you no boyfriend" I was like seriously laaaa. =DI remember still, mom used to threatened me and Sofie about having boyfriends. She would hang us up on the tree. Even tho that sounds so exaggerating and impossible, we wouldnt dare thinking of having one at that point of time. But..? Look at how mom reacts to this issue now? Totally different. Maybe because we've grown up? And I think she knows that we can differentiate whats right and whats wrong? Yeaa. But still, I can sense that mom couldnt wait for my turn to be attached. Wait long long k Maa. Its just not the right time yet uhh. Hahaha. O levels first priority. Once I hit 17, I'll reconsider this again alright, mummy? Maybe I'll be much more mature by then. And maybe, just maybe, you wouldnt want to get all excited first when one day you fine me with someone else. Its the first, no perhaps the second time for something as serious as this. So maybe, I suck at relationship? Dont pin high hopes on me k Maaa. You too Sofie! XPI should feel grateful for having the coolest mom. Mom being supportive. Supporting me and Sofie for doing what most teenagers these days are doing. Perhaps I shouldnt use the word supportive 'cause mom dont really approve us of returning home late. But yeaaa, she always texted us to come home and thats about it. No grounded, no punishments whatsoever for being far too much. I know I know, Sofie and I shouldnt take advantages of such opportunities and kindness. I wouldnt dare, I dont like to take advantage of it either. Late nights. Hangouts. *Silence.. Deep in thought..* Sighs. I should really really feel grateful. Afterall, mom is very very different from other's. Coolest. Definitely the best! Iloveyou, Maa (:Lots of love,Your little (big already now) girl.BOB.*Oh yes! Mom's influenced by friends calling me bob! Hahha! =D_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________Selamat hari rayaSelamat hari rayaDi hari mulia ucapan dikirimKepada semua muslimin muslimatKepada ayah bonda sanak saudaraTidak lupa kepadamuKekasihnya tercinta*Selamat hari rayaSelamat hari rayaKupohon ampun segala dosakuLupakan setiap rasa kemarahanAtaupun kebencianmu yang tersimpanHari ini hari muliaBersihkan jiwa ragaEwa Ewa adik sungguh lawaAbang apa kurangnyaHari ini hari rayaBila tiba hari beginiUmat islam bergembiraMenyambutnya di sana siniBermaaf-maaf bersamaTom tam bolaKain langsir ela elaNenek rambut putihDatuk janggut merahEmak jangan berleterBapak jangan marahJangan masuk kolongHari ini hari raya!*Selamat hari rayaSelamat hari rayaKupohon ampun segala dosakuLupakan setiap rasa kemarahanAtaupun kebencianmu yang tersimpanHari ini hari muliaBersihkan jiwa ragaEwa Ewa adik sungguh lawaAbang apa kurangnyaHari ini hari rayaBila tiba hari beginiUmat islam bergembiraMenyambutnya di sana siniBermaaf-maaf bersamaTom tam bolaKain langsir ela elaNenek rambut putihDatuk janggut merahEmak jangan berleterBapak jangan marahJangan masuk kolongHari ini hari raya!=DD_________________________________________________________________________*EDITED* *29th Sept at dawn*
*Looooooooooooong sigh* Where should I begin? God. Give me some strength. *Taking in deep breath* I was crying again last night. -.- Crying 'cause my heart pains. Pain of feeling the hurt. I finally have them back. Yes, I finally have the people I used to be so closed with, back with me. Nisa, Zura and Din. I was crying badly while Nisa wrote everything down yesterday night. I had to ask her, why now? Why say everything now? No matter how things were, better or worst, I end up crying. Last night, even tho things were getting better, but only between the three of us, I was somehow relief, but hurtful. Sigh. I dont know what to say. I dont wish to go on. But only god knows how relief I am that things between me and Nisa are fine now. I understand why you treated me that way Nisa, no explanation needed.
I just hope things between me and Gerlfys will be back on track right after I get my facts right with them. We seriously need to talk. I didnt know they were involved in this too. God. Im sorry gfs. I think I've been neglecting them too much now. :'(
Saturday, September 27, 2008.
We're getting nearer and nearer to raya. Before I use this opportunity to exchange apologies and ask for forgiveness, to those whom I've done wrong to, hurt or harm, with words and/or actions, without having me realising it, please, Im begging you to step forward and confront it to me personally. I want to realise my mistakes now. Now, not during raya. Not after raya. Please. I dont want to make things worst.
Breakfast at Causeway Point with two nice people. Hanim and Khai, the same birthday babies. My plan with Hanim to breakfast at Geylang was cancelled due to some reason. So Khai joined us breakfast at CP instead. After breakfast, Hanim went off to the bazaar nearby and asked me to leave with Khai 'cause she dont want Khai to get pissed off waiting. -.- Hahaha! So me and Khai left for Starbucks Plaza. Indra was doing closing and prompted to hang out there. When we arrived, Indra was sitting outside with his friends. Some went home right after we arrived. The remaining three ladies were still sitting there. I swear they were so 'KECOH', but in an adorable way. Disturbing their friend playing games and everything. Hahaha! Giggled along at their adorable jokes too. We cant help but everytime they made hilarious jokes, me and Khai looked at each other and smile. Like hello! Im a stranger they just met, and they're not shy to be silly and cheeky and funny and hilarious? Hahaha. Wooooooow!
In store were Indra, Lisa, Aisyah and Ros. Aisyah somehow sounded excited when she got to know that I was from Causeway breakfasting with Khai. Eh Aisyah? Hahaa. After a while, Aisyah asked me to join Khai, Ros and her at a different table since Ros and Aisyah wanted to eat. Havent break their fast yet I guess? Aisyah and Ros got a lot of things to say. Hahaa! Kecorables. And after yakking a how long I cant remember, they still remember that Khai and I still exist! Hahaha. And people kept asking why was I so quiet? Hmmmm. Typical question of the day. Khai was even accused of bullying me for not letting me talk, by Aisyah. Hahaha! SORRY!
Azri joined us after work attachment at Concourse. Concourse tau! Hahaha. Next time sound siang-siang okayy geng? K sayang kau! Again, the question of why Im being so quiet have to come from him too. No, seriously, was I that quiet? Hmmms. Got Khai to ask Ira to join us. Soon after, uhh, very very soon after, she appeared. Khai was surprised that Ira came as soon as she was prompted. Hahaa. I kept asking Ira to talk to Khai and Khai to talk to Ira. I can see Khai making the effort to start talking there. But Ira?? Its up to both of you now to settle things between yourselves. No more help from me okayy? Left at 11 I think. Khai texted me in the bus. Cant bear to see me leave you see. O.o FAAAAAAAAKE! Hahahaha! Okayy so that was meant to be a joke. If a simple joke like that sounds flirtish to you, thats your problem. Maybe you should check out the definition on the word flirt. And joke. Hmmmm.
I almost got the stupid idea for not returning home yesterday night while making my way home. I wanted to cry real badly. But whats this about wanting to be strong, Marlie? Tsk.
I dont know who to turn to last night. I was lost. So lost. I wanted to text Huda. But it was kind'dof late and I've been bothering her too much about my problem already. I shouldnt be too dependent on her. Thought of texting Aisyah too. After typing, I suddenly have the urge to text Indra since he once said he wanted to be there for me and no matter what, he's always there to listen. So I go ahead and end up texting big bro. Thankyou Indra. Really.
Thursday, September 25, 2008.
"I miss going out with my bestest companion, Canon EON400D" (: Monday, September 22, 2008.
"Indra scribbled that on my Physics note. =D"
And again, post deleted, retyped, and saved. I decided not to post it in the end 'cause I find it kind'dof rude and my manners arent there. Talking about Gramma and her nonsensical behaviour that I can no longer tolerate anymore, making my post looks dangerously rich in vulgars. Which seriously, appear no respect for my elderly of me. So I might as well save it.
Someone's intention to breakfast with me outside was ruined. *Grins* Thats okayy, there's always some other time right? Only, the fasting days are getting lesser and lesser. Hey, should be all happy and excited right? No! 'Cause seriously, if I'd want to be a good girl, I'd only have the first day of raya to celebrate. While the rest of the days were to be serious mugging days. Wait, I only said if I were to be a good girl. I did not mention anything about me being a good girl and really going to do that. Hahaa! Wells, maybe, just maybe I'd consider doing that? Hehh. Shall see ay.
I poured everything out to Hanim today. But seriously I was quite amazed that we managed to share quite a lot with each other in class just now. During lessons, in between periods. And even recess and break time. She was my listening ears and I was hers. I am somehow very happy with one thing tho. I manage to hold back tears. Im strong now. Stronger than I was before. I manage to fight these tears, why not any other hard times? We were strong. Hanim and I. Our voices were shaky while pouring out. We still manage to fight our weaknesses and at last. Im stronger now. Readers, applause for me pleeeease =D
Something about the future got me deep in thought. What happens if I got into a new school next year, doesnt matter an ITE, a Poly or a JC. Okayy thats too far now. ITE or Poly. Will I be the same person as who I am now? Would I change? Would I have some free time to catch up with my old friends? My secondary schoolmates? Or would I be too tied down to my school assignments? Would I slowly forget about my dearest mates? I definitely wont forget about the lovely classmates I have and also, mates from other classes too. I am definitely honoured having 4E2 as my class. I'll say this again. No regrets in becoming a 4E2ians. Hahaha! No regrets at all. Lovely people from other classes; Nisa, Syuhaidah, Athira, Izni, Syahira, Shakirin and a lot more.
What about the friendly baristas? Would I even have the time to come down again? Time to hang out with them? Will they even think that I've forgotten about them? About the nicest littlest things they have done for me so far? One with listening to me. One accompanying me to town. One making drinks for me. Not one actually but a lot I must say. I can still remember Aisyah's White Mocha with encouraging message around it, especially for me. How can I forget all about it? I've set it to be my wallpaper on my handphone! ^^
Anyways, it will be hard for me not to be able to get to meet them. Getting to see Indra perks my mood recently. Ind's somehow good at cheering me up even tho he dont have the intention to, he always does. What with his lame plus irritating jokes. O.o Hahahahaa! Faaaaaake! No matter how irritating you are Indra, thankyou. Thankyou for your entertainment all this while. No really, you're the best, Ind! *kembaaaaaaaang* =D Okayy now I miss seeing Indra. Hahaaa. Yes I know, just yesterday I met him. Pfffft! This 'baby-eyed' big bro of mine uhh. MISSED LA PANTAT! Oh yes! Azri Rashid! Hahahaa! Not forgotten. One nice guy. Easy to get a conversation going. And thankyou for the HotChocolate at Concourse. ^^ It was somehow unexpected to have that coming from you. Hahaha! Thankyou thankyou. Beep me up if you guys having attachments there again, pleeeeease (: To you readers, do dropby Concourse if you're looking for a peaceful place to mug. No regrets. Full concentration there. Fullest. =D Aisyah too. Thankyou for listening to my recent whines. For wanting to be there for me. Thankyou again, Aish! Aim and Faye, the sweetest male and female baristas! Hehe! ;D *EDITED* I forget someone else laa dey. Khairul. Hahahaa! Opps! Sorry! Okayy so Khai..? Errrrmm..? Hahahaa! You know I know what most people dont. *smiles*
So you see, how much impact these people have put into my life? How can I easily find a replacement for people like them at my new school? I cant promise that I wont forget about them one day. 'Cause you too cant deny that anything can happen at any point of time. People do change overnight. But no matter what, I dont see the point in me forgetting them. Still, I'll leave this to fate. Im goina start doing my Amath assignments now. Yes with an 's'. There's a lot of it. Well, actually two sets of papers only. But still. Take care, readers. I dont want to have one reader less. -.-
Friday, September 19, 2008.
Its weird how you go from strangers to being friends. To being more than friends.
To back being a total stranger again.
Alright so the headline caught my eye when I was viewing a stranger's friendster profile. Thinking about it, I actually thought that its kind'dof true. Well not that I've experience or what laa. But based on whats going on daily which happened right before my eyes. Hmmmm. Random.
Hanim been pestering me to see the doc or even have my medicine taken. Firstly, doctors are a no no. They asked far too many questions. I hate being asked so many questions when Im sick. Other times, Im okayy with it. So doctors, stay away from me. No wait. I have to consume an apple a day, since it keeps the doctors away. Hahahah! Marlie Marlie. Secondly, medicine? Where did you get the idea that I have medicine from, uh Minah? And pleeease. Medicine? I hate medicine too! Hahaa! Okayy fake. I dont really hate medicine. Just dont like having them over a headache, or fever, or whatever small sickness I have.
Okayy I'll tell you why I dont like eating medicine over headaches and fevers. I used to have migraines(is that how you spell it? Single or double 'i' eh?). After a few times getting attacked by it, mom suggested I took some panadols. One at first. Then whenever its too much to bear, two pills then. Durin Sec Two, used to take two panadols every morning before leaving home for school, without fail. Addicted? Yes I was addicted after I took them frequently. Mom got so worried seeing me taking them everyday that she adviced me try to cut down to one, or dont take if not neccesary. Taking too much of it can affect your waist. I ignored her piece of advice 'cause I thought few pills wont hurt.
Then slowly, I started to feel the pain. Yes, on my waist. I gave it some thought and I remembered mom's advice about getting addicted to pills can effect the waist. So from that point of time onwards, I stopped taking panadols every morning before going to school. Take only when neccesary. So you see, I dont quite like medicine anymore now. Thats one thing. The taste. Eeeeeyuuuck! Hahahaa. But now, I dont have migraines as often as last time. I still remember the feeling. The pain. God. Like you want your head chopped of that very instant. Hahaha! Serious serious. The pain was unbearable. No doubt it sometimes come and go. But seldom now. Im glad. If any of this is to happen again, I'd rather have no heads. Faaaaake! Hahahaa. Seriously now, if migraine attack me again, trying to find fault with me, I'll call my members down. Try me.
Nazii and Hanim said Im sick lately 'cause I might be thinking too much. No wait. They didnt say I might be thinking too much. They said I am, thinking too much. Well, they know me best ay. I dont want to be thinking about it anymore. Seriously, since its not worth my Olevels. My Olevels is worth much more than any of my entire collection of Archie Comics I have. Hahaha! Du'uuuh! Back to topic, its not that I want to think about it anyways. Its just.. There. Its just there, right infront of my eyes. How can I not think about it? Okayy Marlie, there you go again. Stop broading over this, and lets talk about something else hokayy.
No plans for tomorrow, a Saturday. But I was prompted to accompany Khai breakfast with him and Indra. Maybe Nyna's joining us? Still updating. Okayy there's Indra, maybe he can cheer me up. He always does. *Smiles* So looking forward to tomorrow. Oh yes, I asked Ira along and told her to get Nisa Zura and Din to join us too. Hopefully all can make it uh. I really miss everyone together. After breakfasting, Khai wanted to hang out while Indra's working. Which is why he wants me to be there uhh. A loner you see. So when he's alone, he come and find me. Good right? -__________-
Hahahaa faaaaake. No laaa. Pleeeease ehh Khai. Faaaaaking only. Dont step merajuk with me 'cause that is soo tk perlu uhh. Hehe. No laaaa astaghfirlah, faaake! Hahahaa kk I'll stop before I get myself confused. ^0^
Results are out. I dont have to see the overall. Just looking at how my written and practical was done, I knew I somehow wont be going anywhere with those monster-looking grades. Will post my results and embarrase myself later. Sufi have the cheek to call me Girl-A1 because I manage to score an A1 for Emath. He was actually doing that because he was too proud of himself for scoring a distinction for Emath too. And for the first time eh Sufi. Great improvement there, keep it up! Dont give up now, you're almost there, Boy-A2! Hahahaa! Okayy Im going off soon. Breakfasting with dearest out at Causeway Point. Hehe! Bye now. Happy day! =D
____________________________________________________________________________________
Preliminary Results
English Paper 1 - 36 / 60
English Paper 2 - 20 / 50
Science Phy Paper 2 - 34 / 65
Science Comb. Paper 1 MCQ - 24 / 40
Science Chem Paper 3 - 31 / 65
Pure Bio Paper 1 - 17 / 40
Pure Bio Paper 2 - 24 / 80
Malay Paper 1 - 44 / 70
Malay Paper 2 - 42 / 70
Geography Elective - 22 / 50
Social Studies - 30 / 50
Add. Mathematics Paper 1 - 59 / 80
Add. Mathematics Paper 2 - 58 / 100
Elementary Math Paper 1 - 61 / 80
Elementary Math Paper 2 - 77 / 100
I did poorly for Bio. Need more focus there. Same goes for Geog. Sciences? I can go further, only, if I start now, yes now Marlie. Math(s)? Even tho its not good enough, but still, Alhamdulillah =D Languages? No comment. Okayy overall I think I did pretty badly for Prelims. No time to panic now. Alls is not too late yet. Start now Marlie, and to all sitting for their O's this year. Best of luck people! Bye.
Wednesday, September 17, 2008.
I was glad I went back to school yesterday. I really put some time into finishing my Geography notes for the whole two big topics which Im goina study for my O's. I dont regret coming yesterday. Yeaa. Might be coming today, since Huda asked me to come today instead of yesterday. But nevermind, both days are still okayy with me. Geography notes done. Physics too. Yay! *claps* Two subjects done. Im left with Bio and Chem. No notes can be done for English and Malay.While notes for the Mathe(s) are already best simplified by teacher. Social studies? I'd rather study from Ms.Joseph's given notes. They are super helpful tho. *Smiles*
So basically, I knew that last night was somehow going to be super mundane rotting at home staring at the screen for hours. I accompanied Sofie fag underneath my block after break fasting. Sat down there for a few hours. Then hang on the phone with Raihanah. I swear I distracted her from talking a couple of times. Sorry! Hehe. After an hour or so, we hung up. I asked Sofie to ask Indra to join us. But he and friends were at Marina. Bowling ay? But Ind said he'd come down tho. So we waited for him. Sofie and I decided to go to the fitness corner and have some fun there. Hahahaa. Whaaaaaaaaats! I know right! While waiting for Ind of course. Yeaa, 'cause the deck area was occupied by a few 'abang2 kental' lor. O.o Faaake! Hahahaa. Okayy older guys like 18 to 19+? Hoping that when we came back, they were gone.
But wrong-O! They were still there, with more members this time. And one of them is Naim. Sofie's secondary schoolmate, and currently, her schoolmate too. God he' changed. Cuter. And hotter. Damn! Hahahahaa! Marlie.. That kind'dof attitude is a no no. Hehh. But seriously lor. Naim came over and said hi. And he sat beside me. Awwwwwh! Hahahaa. Okayy stop it ehh Marlie. He easily started a convo with Sofie, and a simple hi with me. Okayy not single. He said hi twice 'cause he wanted me to talk, I guess. So after he joined his friends again, they left first. Left Naim alone. Told Sofie to accompany him. Hah! One big opportunity laa Sofie. Pfffft! He left, then me and Sofie conquer the deck. It was close to 2330 and Indra had yet to show up.
Me and Sofie changed place 'cause Dad was about to get home anytime soon. Then Khai messaged me saying they're arriving soon. I almost forgot about Khai. Hahaha, sorry! I texted him which block we're at. So they arrived, talk crap and they walked to our block with us. I swear Indra was cute even tho he was irritating. No doubt that he made me laugh till my tummy hurts. My laughing gas. Hehh. Okayy, Im goina get ready for school now. Prelims result out today. God, wish me best of luck people. Have a nice day! =D
Tuesday, September 16, 2008.
Its time I consider what other have to say about this. What others have been saying and kept repeating the same advice, everytime we came across this topic in between convos. Maybe its just my mind thats playing around with me. Maybe, just maybe, Im thinking too much about it. I've just realised that now. Sofie, Hanim, Huda, Shahiddin, Khai, Aisyah and Nyna. They said the exact same thing. Dont think too much, you're just thinking too much, Marlie. Sighs. I am thinking too much now, arent I? Another thing that I still got to stay strong about is, when getting the whole world turning against me. I know there's somehow much or less caring people around me who will stay by my side, no matter what happens. And its time, I face the cruel world and overcome my weaknesses, and be strong. In fact, stronger than I was before.
Im goina stop posting about this, unless there's any changes in the situation. I'll stop complaining and certainly will stop whining about the current situation too. No more crying late night. No use crying over spilt milk. No more entries written with tears. Well, hopefully uhh. No more pestering Khai about this. Its up to you if you wanna settle this now or later. Or never. Im so not gonna get involved. But go get it done as soon as possible, 'cause the longer you drag, things'll tend to get worst. Its all yours now. Make your move wisely k.
Names listed above were the ones to hear me out. Most names are seldom seen here. Where are my regular friends, close friends when I need them? Yeaa sticking to only one party sure helps a lot ay? I thought friends should stay on both sides and get both facts right? Neveeeeermind. Since you have a bad image/impression of me now, I know Im not the same person/friend whom I used to be to you anymore. But I still dont understand why you people dont want to get the facts right first before assuming things tho. Thats okayy. This is all plain childish and Im not goina entertain this. =DD
Im a bit cheerful today. Managed to joked around with people sitting beside me in the examination hall before and after paper. Im smiling now just thinking about how cheerful I can get today after all the glumness of yesterdays. Yes, I like! Heh. Maybe it was the walk going back home with the gerlfys. We talked crap. A lot. Well, when there's me, there's always craps. Hahahaa! Im a crap-chatter remember? So yea, basically, Im happy that I managed to see things the bright side now. I wont let any of it affect my Olevels, 'cause like what Nyna said, thats a no no! Strongly agreed with you, Nyns. Hehh. I suddenly feel a whole lot stronger now. Yeaa thats it, I shouldve look things on the bright side from the beginning. Pffffft!~
Prelims are like finally over. ThankGod! But the major one have yet to come. I flunk my prelims. Nope, results not out yet. Tomorrow. I just know I'll flunk my prelim papers. A lot of distractions preparing for this exam siaa. Damn, Im not goina let this happen to my O's. Nope, not a chance. Its 2.14pm now. Im still considering if I wanna return back to school for the evening self-revision in school or not. I have the mood for hanging out, but my mind is still on books. Damn thats it. I'll head for school in half an hour's time. Lets start with Geography now. XP
_____________________________________________________________________________________
Okayy just got off the phone with Hanim and she wanted to meet at 4.45pm, wth?!?! Hahahaa! Might as well dont go back to school for just 1 and a half hours of self-revision? Pathetic laa, bestfriend. Hehh. But nevermind, Im still all ok go. ^_^
Monday, September 15, 2008.
I've been deleting a number of published entries recently and typed a whole new one all over again. Thats 'cause when I was typing my thoughts down, I wasnt actually thinking straight. I jotted down whatever thing that came across my mind. Worst still, most of the entries deleted were written while I was crying. So go figure.
I shed some unworthy tears again today. But why does it have to be in school, in the examination hall, just before morning assembly? Huda saw me entering the hall with teary eyes. At that point of time, I havent started crying yet. Just some dust particles had gotten into my eyes. O.o Faaaake! Hahahaa. Ok ok, seriously, my eyes were teary only. When she saw and knew what was going to happen next, she asked, "God Marlie are you ok?" or something like that uhh. I dont want to break down in front of her so I hugged her and said, "Your huggy, as promised." 'Cause I owe her one for her belated sweet 16th. Then, came the harder part. While hugging, my tears gave away. They just scroll down my cheeks like nobody's business. Luckily I wasnt sobbing like a baby. Hehh. Huda asked me to go to the ladies after the morning assembly.
I wont elaborate what happens next. All I know is Im not as strong as I used to be. Im weak now. Weaker than I was before. Every night, I thought I was atmy weakest moment. Only to know that the next night happens to be worst. Weaker still. I never knew I could be this weak. 'Cause I know myself very well that no matter how hard I tried holding back these never ending tears, it'll somehow manage to roll down the cheeks one way or the other. I never have the chance to prove myself that I'd be strong. That its not the end of everything. Not just yet. Sighs. Why now? Again, that question. Fasting month laa dengs! Testing your patience and everything. Im tired of whining. And Im still doing it. Heck.
I just ended a convo with Nyna on MSN. God I never knew I could share a lot with her for the first time of sharing. Hahaha! Cheer ups k Nyns! *Sorry bout that. I have a habit of altering ppl's name. Ouch!* Im here if you feel like talking to me again alrights. Dont think too much now. Hmmmm. That sounds weird. Its like an advice for myself too. O.o Hahahaa! Marlie Marlie. Tsk. No more being a weak child now, Marlie. You know you gotta be and stay strong no matter what. Its a matter of believing in yourself and keep believing. Lets pray that everything will turn out fine sooner or later k, hopefully. Insya'Allah (: K so dengs is already stuck in my head thanks to someone uhh. xP
Sunday, September 14, 2008.
Seems like whatever hurt is done.. Is done. I cant possibly turn back time and prevent any of this to actually take place. Sometimes we just cant avoid making the same mistake twice. If we were fated to do it again, and again, and repeated times, its just something in life we cant avoid. Only, we have to learn from these mistakes and make sure after learning, you realise where and what went wrong. So that when the same mistake occurs again, you're actually ready to overcome it and are familiarized on how to solve and settle things the good way. I kept wondering again and again how it all started, when in the end its so obvious to how this had actually took place. The fasting month is the main reason behind all this. The holy-month of Islam is actually related to whatever misunderstanding is happening between us. No, I am not putting the blame on the fasting month, God I'd be stupid to do something like that. Blaming a specific month for such misunderstanding? What Im trying to say here is. Its because of the month of Ramadhan that all this started, still, not being stupid to blame the holy-month itself. I started it. I started everything without realising I would somehow end up hurting someone else. Maybe it all happened on this month for some reason. Cause, as you know, the month of Ramadhan is also the time where Muslims have to be patience towards one another and any obstacles that passes by. Overcome fear and stays strong. Yeaa, maybe thats it. Maybe its a test for me that it all happened during this time of the year. I wont whine, neither would I complain. Wouldnt dare.
Now that everything is settled between the other two party, can I make this clear by asking if everything between us all together is ok now? Or you'e still upset and disappointed with me. I know the disappointment remains cause hey, you disappointed me once too. No, wait. Not once. Countless times. I probably shouldnt have brought this up. Skip! So yes, I really want to know if there's anything else that the party involves are not happy with and we could all talk about it slowly, steadily and calmly. Please do tell me. Im confused. I know I dont have the right to whine and complaint about the mess Im in. But seriously, how am I to know if everythings alright when all you do is turning the table around and making things complicated? And again, not refering to particularly anyone. Lets get this done and over with as soon as possible. I cant help seeing things left hanging around. Things'll get worst, you never know. You just never know.
Khai claimed that everythings fine between him and Ira already. Im glad for the both of them. I seriously am. See me smiling now? [I know I know, stupid question. Hahaha!] But its the thing between me and Ira. Are things stable now without us having the chance to sit and talk about it? Personally, and of cause, no interference? Or is it still shaking? Im not even sure myself. Cause at one point time, you were mad at me. Throwing all harsh words directly in my face. And the next, you were all soft again, saying nice things. Tell me, how am I not supposed to be in a state of confusion? If I should know if everything is not alright, it should be now. Seriously, Im tired of this too. Im exhausted from dealing with the mess I brought upon myself and others. So its no use complaining. No rights to complain either. Im only asking for a nice chat over this. Again, I'll emphasize on this. No interference. No, Im not scared neither am I afraid of what others have to say about this. Getting the facts right is the first priority now. The only priority, that is. I really hope that things will be the same as before even tho there's a big probability that it might not. Sighs.
I never wished for any of this to happen. No one did. It took place out of a sudden. I cant help but to blame myself to have made a mess in other people's happiness. See, Im back at it again. Stop thinking too much, Marlie! Everything's goina be fine, if you just think positive for now. Insya'Allah. I'll put this aside and wont entertain whatever obstacles that is coming my way. Instead, I will do my best to overcome these obstacles that tries to bring me down at this time of the year. Where its near to the crucial time already. Cause nothing, and I mean nothing, is going to stop me from being prepared for my major examinations. Maybe I should emphasize on the nothing this time. Thinking again, Im sure you readers get what I mean. Hehh. Okayy thats it, Marlie. One step at a time now. No turning back. Keep going. Going the right way, towards O Levels. Jiayou, Marlie! =D
_____________________________________________________________________________________
Happy 16th Birthday, Nurhuda Bte Baharudin!
May you have a brighter future ahead of you that is full of happiness.
May you succeed in life.
May you achieve your goals and dreams.
May your wishes come true.
Wishing you all the best in life.
And the best of luck for the remaining Prelims papers,
and definitely, for your O Levels too, babygirl!
Dont fail to keep smiling, Huda!
And I want to thankyou for listening to me whining.
I dno how you did it, but I bore people with my whine easily. XP
And remember Huda, you were there for me, Im glad to be here for you too.
I feel so blessed and grateful having a wonderful classmate like you,
from the bottom of my heart k girl. =DLoveyou for your sincerity in wanting to listen to me.
Best wishes and take care.
With much loves,
Bob [Marlie].
(K it took me a lot of courage to type this name ok.
For the sake of my classmates for calling me that. Hahaha!)
Friday, September 12, 2008.
12th September
Do me a favour and plain ignore my previous post. Thankyou =D I havent been getting enough sleep lately. And thats the cause of me falling asleep during prelims. Yes, prelims and Im all worn out and sleepy. There's no time for me to start panicking now. Mugging in school till 8PM sure helps a lot. I managed to complete one whole topic of my Geography notes. Yays! Hahaa. Looking forward to come again some other days other than Tuesday. Still considering tho.
Do me another favour by stop asking Ira how she's doing. Its irritating not for me, but for her. Let her be for now ok, Im sure she dont want to be asked about it. Thanks people =DToday was hectic. Exhausting, yet enjoyable. My plan for the day was to hunt a birthday gift for sister. At town. Alone. But someone was nice enough to accompany me despite being all tired and fatique from work yesterday night. So took 190 from the bus stop near Zhenghua Primary with Khai, and alighted at Far East. I have no idea of where to go even tho it was my plan to go look for the gift at that area. We walked inside Far East and looked around. Couldnt find or think of anything. So suggested we walked one whole town. Hahahaa! We walked towards Heeren at first. Went in, couldnt find anything, and went out. Next stop was Cineleisure. Still, nothing. Khai suggested going to the Centre Point. Made our way there. Again, nothing. Wanted to head back when friend suggested walking to Marina from there. I was all ok go. So we walked. Until we reached the Cathay, utter fatiqueness took over Khai. Which was why we took 700 from there. Alighted, and we walked around at Marina. Managed to grab a seat for a few minutes since Khai was complaining of hunger and thirst. Tsk tsk.
We were thinking of where to sit and chill. And Khai suggested Esplanade. While making our way there, I was reminded of Azri's birthday where me, Ira, Azri, Indra, Aim and Khai were walking at that area too. Chillin' at Fullerton. Damn, missed those times. We grabbed a place to sit and chill. We sat there for like half an hour since Khai had a meeting at his workplace. Chill, chat and joked. Took 171 from Esplanade and dropped off at Far East. We went our separate ways from there. Khai going to Starbucks Paragon with his friend (was it Hafiz or something like that uhh), while I still wanted to walk around Far East to look for the gift. Stubborn. I know right! Hahahaa! Ok so I asked Sofie if she wanted to hangout coz I was bored. Waited for 190 but it was full. So I waited for 171, but since 700A arrived first, I board it. Reached Plaza and sat at Garden for a while. Went to buy White Chocolate Mocha Frappucino w/out coffee and whip cream. Should've asked for java chip but nevermind. Hahahaa. Azri, Ari and Ros was in store. But Azri have to leave immediately after I came for Holland.V. So me and Sofie chill outside starbucks and have a chat. Waited for Khai to confirm whether he's coming down to hangout with us or not. Saw Indra *god. miss him!* and his friend dropping by starbucks. Claiming they were off to town to meet up with Khai. After that me and Sofie assumed that, Khai wasnt able to join us then. Sofie make it sound as if I was disappointed. Yeaa, as if. So around 10plus we made a move. Im shagged. Utter fatiqueness took over me. But I love the walk today. Even tho you were complaining of hunger and thirst and what more you were enduring fasting. Thankyou friend for the companion (:_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
13th September
I have been thinking too much. Thats what many have been saying to me. Not just some, but quite a number. Thinking back, no. Its not that I have been thinking too much. Im in a state where the situation is very very complicated. I've been shedding unworthy tears the past few days. Yes, why would I waste tears to something which I had bring myself upon to? Why? Thats cause people dont understand how I feel, and still, assume they know how I feel. Its good if they really really know how I feel. But they're not me. They dont experience the exact same thing Im currently experiencing. And why do people always assume things the wrong way when I've made it clear to them. Why go through such extend of making things complicated when all could be settle the easy way by letting the parties involved sitting down together, and talk things out. And once again, I should emphasize on this. Only parties involved. If you feel like you're trying to be there for your friend, its not gonna help. Its no use. Unless, you're there to shut your trap and listen. Then everything'll go smoothly. Not refering to anyone particular tho. Just my point of view. Im not saying Im not at fault cause bullshit its partly my fault too. But was it entirely my fault? Was it really? If yes, then I'd be glad to hear the reason behind it. Im sure that every party involved was partly at fault too. No denials here, no doubt. Whatever it is, I hope this could be settled as soon as possible leaving no parties harm and/or hurt. Lets settle this the easy way and please, no interference. Cause I really want everyone to get their facts right. Well who doesnt. I believe we could all sit down together and do this slowly. As I mentioned before, one step at a time people. One step at a time. Sighs.Where's Huda :'(_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________Happy Sexy Seventeenth Birthday, Nurul Fatin Roslan. God its been a while since we last hang out together? *Huggies & misses!* Love you, KidD! =DD Have a wonderful birthday today! (:
Monday, September 08, 2008.
Its funny how things turned out so well but we didnt see it. Neither did we realized it. On the other hand, we only spot things which doesnt turn out so well. Its funny how difficult it is to control our feelings. On the other hand, it seemed so easy to control other's. Its funny how people kept making promises, an empty one that is. On the other hand, people still keep making empty promises. Its funny how people love making fun of others. On the other hand, they dont like being make fun of. Its funny how out of a sudden our feeling grows. On the other hand, does it even shrink? Its funny how easy it is to fall in love. On the other hand, its way beyond difficult to fall out of love. Its funny how I never post this kind of messages before. Well on the other hand, I just did. =D
Out of boredom please. Damn. My new laughing gas just went offline. New. Hahahaa. Pick up from somewhere along the streets I guess? I wont comment on the Paper I sat for just now. I will talk about how stupid I was not to take menstrual panadol before I left home for school. I was groaning in pain like mad. K exaggerating. But yeaa, the pain was unbearable uhh. What d'you expect? 2nd day. Standard uhh. Im very very jealous for those gerls who dont have to bear with pains and cramps. Shucks. Opppps! Sensitive topic, guys. Hahahaa!
I miss watching movies! *sobs* When was the last time I watched a movie eh? Hmmmm. Cant remember. Im craving for movies! Oooooohh.My.God! Hahahaaa. Lame laaa Marlie. But I miss watching movie. Seeeriousss.. *sobs again*
42 days left to O levels. Hrrrmm. I'll try to make full use of the extended ours in school library till 8pm. Tuesdays. Yes, every Tuesdays, I'll stay in school, in the library from 2.30pm to 8pm and do my revisions there. I might come on other days too but Tuesday's a must coz I signed up for that day. Hmmm, maybe a Wednesday or a Thursday perhaps? Wednesday is tempting. Thursday there's Ira. Ok, when there's friends, meaning countless of breaks. Hahahaa. Wednesday I guess? Still considering.
Syahira, by the time you get to my blog, you'll already know what I've been wanting to tell you just now on the way back to school. I can only say Im sorry. No explanations, unless you asked for it. If not, I dont want to appear as if Im making up excuses. ):
"Update Vampire, update!" - Marlie (:
___________________________________________________________________________
To my lovely friend, Syahira.
First of all, thousand apologies. Apologies for hurting you, directly or indirectly. Either ways, I end up hurting you. I would have known from the beginning that this would somehow affects our friendship, only, I did not open my eyes wide enough. I shouldnt have started at all. I shouldnt have thought about it even for a second. I know I'd somehow get someone else hurt other than hurting myself too. As Im typing this, I never felt any better. Neither do I felt any worst. Somehow or rather, I dont know what Im feeling right now. Now lets begin.
1st September 2008, as we stepped into the fasting month, many were busy sending and forwarding messages regarding fasting here and there. I, wanted to join in the fun, forward humoring messages to most of my muslim friends. The baristas were included. After one by one sending their replies, I received one from an unknown. But I was very certained it was one of the baristas. Cause it seems like only them, uses the name 'M with me. I replied asking who was that. Khai claimed it was him. And thats where it begins. I replied and so do Khai. And this went on and on. Not realizing that it went on till the next day, and the next, and the day after the next.
I admit, there were jokes and laughters. Jokes which were questioned by Nisa and Din on what me and Khai meant by those jokes. Jokes. Get it? Nothing serious. The two kept assuming we were contacting more than a regular friend does. Again, I admit, there were messages that might look so wrong and such. But again, jokes. I wont deny that there are messages from Khai that sounds as if he was flirting. I realized that only after Din pointed that out. But I did not look at it that way. Cause I too, did message him the same way. Flirting if you call it. But we have no intention to flirt and such. We have nothing like that in mind. Swear.
After contacting each other for 6 days now.. K wait. I wont use the term 'contact' anymore now since you guys said it sounded like we had other intention. After 6 days of sms-ing Khai, he had become nicer and sweeter than before. And slowly, almost seems like pampered. No, Im easily pampered with guys not because I love to flirt. God. That is so not my thing uh. I guess, was pampered with the opposite gender ever since I was little. First person I was pampered with was my late gramps. God, Imisshim. And then there was Dad. I was pampered and closest to this two wonderful man I know in my entire life. I guess I was used to being pampered to the opposite gender, that Im now easily being closer with male friends? Take classmates for instant.
Sexy-legged friend, Zwisis, Zik, Sufi. Im not so close to them. But I can definitely say that I get along very very well with them, the very first time we communicate. Very well. Out of the story line.
Back to main topic. So you see, Khai kept saying sweet things to me (and again, not flirting, pleeeeease.) Cant deny that I said sweet things to him too. One good example, is like 'i sayang u' that kind'dof thing. Im trying as hard as possible not to hide anything here. Sorry Khai. Im still keeping the personal stuffs low for now. And will continue to do so tho. So no worries Khai. Anyways, days after days. I feel that late gramp's pamperness and attentions were replaced by Khai's. Thats when things get complicated. I started to treasure my friendship with Khai since then. I felt the pampering I've lost for years now. Nobody understands that. Nobody did. Khai managed to make me feel like a pampered small granddaughter again. Like a small kid. He even called me a small kid! Now how does that make me not being reminded of my first beloved that I used to be so pampered to? Damn. And once again, I repeat this. Me and Khai have no other intention in sms-ing each other. We were just entertaining ourselves. We even made it clear with each other that we were contacting or sms-ing as a friend only.
And until yesterday, I felt the need and the urge to let Ira knows about our contacting. I dont want to hide anything from her so I asked Khai if it was ok if I let her know. He was all ok go. So I told Ira. I find it hard to break the news to her cause as I was walking home with her today I asked the very first important question. Are you over Khai? Based on her answer she had given me, I knew it wasnt the right time to break the news to her. So I just kept it inside me while walking home with her. Upon reaching home, Ira texted saying that I did not have the chance to tell her whatever that I wanted to tell her. Bla bla bla.. Around 3 plus, I texted her. Asking if she already knows that Khai is currently texting another gerl. Ira replied who? My answer was "Me. Bla bla bla..." Yeaa I can imagine her breaking down.
Trust me, it hurts seeing this one beautiful gerl to always breaking down. Even tho Ira replied with the coolest tone for a person like her who easily breaks down, I know she's somehow crying behind the screen. Damn. I posted about this here with no intentions to put shame on anyone, neither am I asking for sympathy. I just want to clear things out. Clear the misunderstanding. Get this clear, there is nothing between me and Khai. We are just friends. F.R.I.E.N.D. Which part or letter do you not understand about the word uhh?
No doubt that I "sayang" Khai. But this "sayang" is like an elder brother. Thats what I told him and thats exactly what Im gonna tell everyone here. Ira asked me repeated times, if Khai had ask about her or not. I dare not say no cause I know it wont make the situation better. It will somehow worsen the situation. God.I never felt this miserable before. And to make things worse, no one was here for me. No one. Again, not asking for sympathy please. Im just wondering where are all this people whom I needed most at this point of time. No shoulders to lean on. No one to wipe my tears away. No listening ears. But somehow, there are a few caring ones who was there for me just now. Supporting me, while thinking of a way to start a conversation with Ira. About this. But I end up leaving the place first. Cause I was about to cry. I couldnt take it anymore. Everyone was over me. Nisa and Din kept asking me to start talking to her. Start the settling already. But I couldnt find the words that fits. I just cant. Ira broke down to when I left. Heard from Sofie when she got home. Yes she was there too. Then from Nisa, when she was online. And then, Din. Everyone was saying the same thing, making things worse for me. Making me feel bad. Maybe I was supposed to feel bad. I was the one who started this mess after all.
From the bottom of my heart Ira, I dont mean to take Khai away from you. No intentions at all. Im sorry for this. I really am.
Thankyou Din and Nisa, for the support and the listening ears just now. Im grateful enough to still having ou guys here with me. And still am.
Khai, if any my words above were harsh on you or disturbed you at any point of time, my apologies. I still "sayang" you for your sincere kindness and concern all this while. I really really appreciate it.
And Indra, I never stopped msging you because of Khai. Its been way before I was closer to him that I've stop msging you. And you claimed that I've changed. How is that so? Tell me. I really mean it when I said I missed you, ass.
*Staring at the screen for a few seconds*
**Taking in deeper breath**
Written from the bottom of my heart, with tears and sincere,
Im done. And once again, Im sorry.
Yours Faithfully,
'M.
Sunday, September 07, 2008.
"When was the last time I took neoprints?" Shasha's love (:
Breakfast over at Aunt's place yesterday all the way on the other side of Singapore. Pasir Ris. The day was very complicated for me. I kept silent throughout the journey on the way there. Its the only way I was able to calm myself down in a state of anger and pissed during this fasting month. Fasting month is all about patience. Go figure.
I received a sweet message at 12.38am last night. The sender's intention was to let me receive the message at 12.34am sharp. 1234 will be a sweet number he said. Awwwwwh! It was very very sweet uhh. Hahahaa. Thinking about it plants a smile on my face. Thankyou (:
Holiday is gone for good. And I certainly did not waste any of it. Even tho I did not manage to do much revision. Why did I say its not a waste then? Coz the whole week I felt so relaxed. Despite being down with the annoying and irritating fever. I was calm and certainly enjoyed tidying up my room. I came across so many old stuffs that brings back memories. Nostalgic items perhaps? A lot were good memories. For instant, an Archie digest comic book that was given by Hanim as a gift for my 13th birthday. I was so touched when she gave me my favourite comic book. And also, I found a lot of things that I thought I had thrown them away. I felt a bit relieved. So you see how getting your room all tidy up has its advantages to it? Hahahaa. =D
I miss having family gathering. Not involving relatives of coz. Only me and family. Involving Dad, Mom, Sofie, Linn and Shasha. I wonder when will our finance problem be stable, so that Dad wont have to drive his cabbie from early morning to late night every single day without fail. Thinking of having a father-daughter day out one of the days after O's. Confirm its goina be enjoyable, having some time spent with Dad, and Dad alone (:
___________________________________________________________________________
I'll accept the fact that I cant complete the one whole month of fasting, instead of whining and getting upset over it. I was really looking forward to complete this year's fasting month. Guess what is fated for me remains fated? Nvm, I managed to complete last year's, so I cant expect to complete this year's too and the following years. A woman gotta go through what a woman gotta go through. Hehh. Wokays. Im done for now. Mother Tongue paper tomorrow. Heck. Im going in, unprepared. Wish me luck, suckers.
"igmyt, ass!" - 'M (:
Saturday, September 06, 2008.
Yesterday was a very tiring day. Even though it was hectic, but not exhausted enough despite all the walking, to and fro from home to plaza to banquet to plaza again back to banquet again and took a cab off to Bukit Timah. Pheeew! Yes yes, despite the fact that I was down with fever. Again. Im sick of always being down with fever. I dont like the feeling. It feels like Im being emo. Eeeeew I know right! The feeling~ I think thats why I'll get upset easily every now and then when Im down with fever. Damn.
Yes so we went to and fro yesterday. I came down around 3 plus? Azri and Khai was already there hangout in the store. Waited for Indra to finish work. They were from Lavender to collect Azri's IC if Im not wrong, then to Vivo to catch a movie. Wall-e suck ay Khai? Cut the story short. After breakfasting, hailed a cab to Bukit Timah and the guys' intention was to go jamming. When we reached, it was nearly 9pm, the time for the jamming studio to be closed. So their next plan was to play comp (O.o) or play pool. Again, I was asked to choose. I picked pool for them. Indra claims that Khai's the expert amongst them. Cheychey! Hahaa. Next time uh Indra, wasnt in the mood last night. And some more, like what Azri said, a lot of people. I'll embarrase myself! ^^ After that they fagged for a while. Around 10pm? Hailed a cab again and they sent me home first. Then they were off to Cineleisure to catch another movie. With Indra this time. They sang inside the cab. Ye uh, da nk sampai rumah aku baru korang nk nyanyi. =P
Recently, Din had been repeatedly asking how my day was at the end of the day. Nowadays. It was nice of him to do so coz last night I was feeling miserable. When he prompted to ask how was my day, all I could reply was a sad face and said thanks for asking tho. He was stunned I think? Asked what happened in capitals, but I just dont have the words that fits. Somehow, I never really cried the way I did like last night before. I am still wondering, why let it bother me tho. Why let it bothers me if I shouldnt have let it affect me in the first place. I can prevent and avoid myself from getting hurt. But thats not what I always did. Im always sensitive towards my friends. On how they feel and such. I'd rather be the one who end up getting hurt. Heard this before from all my previous post ay? I dont want to talk about this but heck. I cant believe I let emotions took over me last night. The feeling~
Like damn. I was expecting so much for a call. Anyone. Anyone at all. I was in need last night. Desperate for a good listening ear. I guess I gave away mine too many a times that I dont even realised that I might not have one when I needed one. After a good cry, I fell asleep. Without realising again. But this time Im lucky I wasnt chatting with Khai or he'd had been talking to himself again. ^^
Azri and Khai, stop staring or looking or glaring or whatever you're doing at me please. Thankyou. Sayang korang! =D
Friday, September 05, 2008.
It has been quite some time since I last returned home after midnight after hangovers with a bunch of friends. Its now 12.48AM and I just got home few minutes ago. The plan was to go mugging with Shahiddin at Suntec since he recommended the place to be effective in concentration. But before that, received a text from Ira saying that she had no one to go accompany her buy her dress for the dance prom. So I agreed to accompany her, only after knowing that she was already in the bus on the way to town. But I still made my way there coz she doesnt deserve to be alone at that point of time, when I was needed.
Since I was already at town area, I asked her if she wanted to drop by at Paragon's Starbucks. Firstly, Khai is missed, no doubt. Secondly, I never been there before so why not take the opportunity since I was nearby? But Ira dont want to. So met Din at Tangs and resumed Ira's shopping for the prom outfits and accesories. After finished shopping, we parted with Ira, me and Din headed to Suntec while Ira headed home and get herself groomed for the night. We decided to hangout at Paragon's Starbucks after breakfasting at Suntec. At last. Hahahaa! Get to see what Paragon's SB is like. ^^ Very very different from most of the outlets in SG, but in one way or another, similar to the one at Concourse. God I miss that place.
We reached there kind'dof early tho. Around 8 or 8.30? Cant remember the time. It was so early coz someone wanted me to wait for him to finish work. At 11. Hahahaa. So you see, 3 hours there was like so mundane. But someone also made me a White Mocha, was it a venti? Cant remember also! Hahahaa! Yes yes, as promised coz I waited for him to finish work. Directly opposite the store was a CD shop. They kept playing songs which are so familiar. A lot were nice ones. Had me and Din singing along too. Haha! And and 'breathless' which was sang by Lim Hui during Fajar Idol? Yeaaasaah! Hahaa. I was a bit sleepy tho coz I was bored, there was nothing much I can do.
So around 11 (not exactly on the dot eh!), we went to 7/11 coz Din wanted coins for homeride. And Khai changed his big bucks just for Din. Awwwwwwh! Hahahaaa. So sweeeet? -_____-
Khai bought a ferrero and let me have them all. Sayaaaaaang Khai, eh? Opps! I just said that out loud! Hahahaaa. More of those 'so sweeeeet?' Hahahaa! But yeaa, he used to be very snobby and arrogant. Not anymore ay Khai? Not anymore now. More entertainment that came from the cute Khai. ^^
Took 190 and alighted at bangkit, accompanied Khai to buy some stuff. Which was not available also. Hahahaa. Then from there we parted and went home. Thanks Din for sending me home, despite you being exhausted. Utter fatigueness took over ay?
I did not want to let anyone know about it but I couldnt help it and needed to share it with someone. So I poured everything out to Din, ytd at Paragon SB itself, that very point of time. Every turning point seems to be a worse turning point. Its not getting any better. I thought it was. I really thought it was going to be better. I was confident of it too. But anyways, thanks for listening, friend. And Khai, dont think too much about stuffs which shouldnt be your priorities for now. Since its money you're after for now, just go for it k. That, handsome, is your first priority. I guess. Concentrate on your job first. Starbuck all the waaaay! Hahahahaa! Indra and Azri, until now, Im still uncertain of what are bothering you guys. Indra, the pampered one, you said you'll text me about it? Azri? The nice one. Always asking for a smile (: You seemed lost recently ay? Whats happening now? Where's the KhaIndrAzri that I know of? Who used to be so hyper and hip and happening around each other? Damn.
Malay class again today. Did not attend yesterday's. Since a lot did not show up, Cikgu cancelled yesterday's class. ^^ Wonder if I should come today. Not in the mood for any Malay lessons. Bestfriends adviced me to go. Hanim still considering. Zikri? He wanted to go, and wanted me to go too. Damn you bestfriend. Hehe!
But most importantly, thankYOU for making me smile at the end of the day =D
___________________________________________________________________________
Out of boredom pleeeeease (:
"I wonder if Khai'll notice this. Im dead if he batal puase because he cant control his anger and starts swearing! ^^"
Its 1.12PM now. And I did not attend malay lesson. Again. -___- Got to finish tidy up my room before Term 4 starts. Yeaa tidying my messy room now coz I wont have the time next few weeks. For raya, what else? But even if its not because of raya, my room still needs a cleaning and tidying. ^^
After I got home this morning from Paragon (from the post above) around 12 plus? I was not asleep until sahur. Sahur is the meal we muslims have before we start the fasting of the day, in the dawn. I was up the whole morning. Online. Until now. Im still hyper tho. Not at least bit tired or exhausted. I wonder how come. Hmmmm. Khai was my companion through the morning. Yeaa we got home, despite the fatigueness, we went online. Few minutes ago I was glancing through my inbox messages and I noticed this message from him. "Yelatu kau nye brb pon le thn.. suspect kuat da tdo se..haha.." I laughed alone! Hahahaa! Coz it was funny uh on remembering this morning I told him I'd be right back coz I have to restart my laptop. Then after restarting, I signed in on MSN. But before I could appear online, I fell asleep without realising. I was awaken by the message tone. It was from Khai the message I typed above. I quickly glanced at my laptop to see me being signed in already. I appear online and apologized. Hahahaa. You find this lame? I didnt ask you to read also. I find it humorous! ^^ Thousands apologies eh Khai. Hahahaa. The funniest thing is, it happened twice. Hahahaa!
One more thing that made my day. I managed to get 'someone' to promise me one more thing. Hahahaa! God Im happy for this someone! Yaaaay!~
Syahira and Din, cheer ups friends. Its not the end to everything yet. Whatever it is, Im always here for you guys alright. One advice that I can give you is, to overcome this problem one step at a time. But of coz, step one must be done first followed by step two. And like I said, and of coz I will say this again. Step one. Is to learn to LET GO. I know I know its difficult. You might say I dont know, I dont understand coz Im not experiencing what you guys are experiencing. Trust me, I've seen a lot, that I dont even have to experience it myself. So my dear friends, first mission to accomplish is really learn to let go k? One step at a time, guys. One step at a time.
LEAVE A MESSAGE :)
ALTERNATIVE EXITS.
PAST.
October 2006
November 2006
December 2006
January 2007
February 2007
March 2007
April 2007
May 2007
June 2007
July 2007
August 2007
September 2007
October 2007
November 2007
December 2007
January 2008
February 2008
March 2008
April 2008
May 2008
June 2008
July 2008
August 2008
September 2008
October 2008
November 2008
December 2008
January 2009
February 2009
March 2009
April 2009
May 2009
June 2009
July 2009
August 2009
September 2009
October 2009
November 2009
December 2009
January 2010
February 2010
March 2010
April 2010
May 2010
June 2010
July 2010
August 2010
September 2010
September 2015
BABIES BORN.
January
28th - Lee zara colleague
31st - Jacq L02baober cum pang ah lian
Febuary
12th - LATE ?
13th - Ammelia L02baober
23rd - Asidah L02baober cum cockuptwin
21th - Athirr gerlfys
24th - Nisa
March
1st - Mommy cum 'rents anni
2nd - Lala neighbour
11th - Ann kakak ;)
15th - Sufian chongkecik (upgrade)
18th - Phoebe L02
31st - Arziana twinny
31st - YOURS TRULY :DDD
April
17th - Cilong L02
26th - Amira gerlfys
29th - Poh Lay L02
May
16th - Ting Xin L02
26th - Shasha 2nd mei mei
31st - Guan Jie L02
June
16th - Hijjah ej love
24th - Nisah L02
26th - Kai Xin L02baober cum partner
27th - Ying Jie L02
30th - Sofie ? ta jie
30th - Shahiddin
July
5th - Syuuu gerlfys
7th - Shanky ;DDD
13th - Terence ;)))
August
7th - Farlini kak lynn love
14th - Sze Yee L02
19th - Afiqah L02baober cum kak iqah
20th - Kai Yun L02
26th - Keith L02
September
13th - Fatin kidd love
14th - Huda 4e2mate
20th - Yu Sheng L02
21st - Linn 1st mei mei
October
2nd - Derek L02
6th - Shiyi L02baober cum bestfriend
24th - Zura
26th - Gramma 66
November
17th - Hanim gerlfys cum bestie since 3 ;)
19th - Indra
December
12th - Michelle L02baober cum seashell
16th - Adina Tay Ah-Jie
"I miss going out with my bestest companion, Canon EON400D" (: 
"Indra scribbled that on my Physics note. =D"
"When was the last time I took neoprints?" Shasha's love (: 
