BONJOUR.
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Chindon Malay.
31st March.
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Tuesday, June 10, 2008.
Yesterday was marvellous even though I did not manage to finish what I intended to finish. My day was spent tremendously with KiDd. I felt relieved after telling her everything. It wasnt what I had in mind actually. I just got myself to tell her everthing at that point of time. But everyone's been telling me the same thing. I know I know. There's nothing much I can do about it. Only to let it stay and let it be the way it is for now. I'll let fate decide what is best for me. Even when I know what the outcome will be. Sigh. Sometimes I ought to think too much. I really need to unwind myself. I've been going for study dates, mugging here and there, but I never get anything, anything at all, into my head. Im frustrated with this. If I dont help myself, who else can? Its like I've been lying to myself. And it hurts everytime I told myself a lie. I have to face the fact that Im lying just to assure myself that everything is going to be fine. When I know its not. Im tired. Im tired of hitting the books. I know right? No one is forcing me to hit the books everyday this holiday. Coz I know, if I dont force myself, I dont even get started. Im just afraid I might play too much this holiday that I might completely forgot my time for revision. I think thats why I got myself to mug everyday? Gosh Marlie, you really are pushing yourself too hard now, arent you? Im scared of being a failure. Yes yes, who doesnt? But most people, mostly, are scared of failure because they might disappoint their parents, or get scolded by them or whatevernot. But thats not a big deal to me. What Im really afraid of is being disappointed, by myself. People do set their own expectations. Parents do too, on their children. But even though my parents understands teenagers stressness nowadays and just supported me with 'just try your very besy and give your all, your everything', I still have my own expectations. What if I dont meet them? Meet my own expectations? Woulndt that be disappointing in the end? It hard for me to face disappointment, swear. It'll take the longest time to heal the wound. I guess its no use fretting over that right now when all I can do for now is to really really try my best and put in extra effort. I will defintely try my very best and definitely give my all, my everything. Pheeew!~
Overall, the day was great. Like at last I have KiDd to spend my day with. Thankyou for listening, KiDd! It was a marvellous time well-spent. IloveyouFATIN!~ Im looking forward for hanging out with these two aunties laaa KiDd and EJ next week. Hopefully the plan works smoothly. IMY EJ, and KiDd, like already!!
Okayy I think its time I write in my own blog rather then repeating the same story again and again. I think I like someone!. But Im so unsure. So uncertain about it. About the way I feel. Towards that person. Im not really that kind of person who develops feeling, swear. Okayy so maybe Im just scared of getting hurt? Everytime I look around, mostly that covers the atmosphere are love birds. Everyone's been saying that its not wrong to fall in love. Well, true. But what for we fall in love, and we end up getting hurt? Might as well dont. Correct? Im not saying its wrong to fall in love too laa. I just find it hard to accept that for the very first time, I feel something for someone. Scaaaary!~ Hehh. I feel like I've been repeating myself. Wth! Hahaha! 0.o
But Im trying to make myself forget all this shit. I know I know, like wtf? How can I ignore my feeling? But I just cant bear being the one who hurts the most in the end. Yes yes I know, I never experienced anything like this before so how do I know? Hey I've seen so many r/s failure before okayy, even those not in r/s, but are just falling in love are complicated. Okayy lets not get started here. I really dont like talking about this. Something just got me typing about this at this point of time, but what? I can only wonder.
I can only dream.
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28th - Lee zara colleague
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17th - Hanim gerlfys cum bestie since 3 ;)
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